ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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