Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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