How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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