I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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