Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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