what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
