thus making me awesome and them whores
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
