a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
