Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
