saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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