Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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