He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my shit smells like andre
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
