I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
