my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
