Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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