It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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