I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize