too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
even my farts smell like vagina
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
