every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
