Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
