Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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