I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
