for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
