i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize