my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
