We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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