Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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