Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
