At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
