some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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