So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to cum in my sink.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
