i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
