now i know why i became what i already was.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
