birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
