I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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