You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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