before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
