dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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