I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
