He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
