i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
