wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize