So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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