I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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