thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
