so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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