Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
