do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
