Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Small penises have feelings too.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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