can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
