forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Randomize
