1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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