WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
