I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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