"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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