i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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