Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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