The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
