Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
