I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
