...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
handjob tips. give me some.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
