what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
