the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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